The Absent Minded Nomad

One Year In Japan!

2007-07-22T20:08:00.000+09:00

Today is my
one year anniversary
in Japan!

Driving in Japan Part 5: The Driving Test

2007-07-22T17:12:00.000+09:00

Legally, foreigners are permitted to drive in Japan using an International Driving Permit for one year. IDPs are easy and cheap to obtain. Japanese authorities recognize that, and insist that anyone staying in Japan for longer than one year be required to go through the Treacherous Gauntlet of Bureaucracy known as "An American's Quest for the Elusive Japanese Driver's License."

Yes, I do say "An American's Quest" because, for some reason, British, Canadian, and Australian citizens are not required to go through this Treacherous Gauntlet. If you commonly say "Cheers" "Eh?" or "Good on ya, mate!" the five step ordeal is reduced to taking a simple, 10 question true or false test and watching a 20 minute video featuring a dour Japanese official accusingly explaining all of the dangers foreign drivers create by driving "all crazy-like." This informative video is dubbed by Eeyore.

It is also interspersed with footage of a Santa-looking foreigner encountering all types of dangerous situations involving innocent civilians. The horrifying footage is always stopped right before impact, but the effect is still startling. I am guessing that this method is used to reverse the soporific effect of listening to the Minister of Traffic, Eeyore-san.

Of those who I know here who have attempted the process, none have passed on the first try. Most are too intimidated to even attempt it, and rely on "slightly illegal" extended IDPs. Me, being irrationally terrified of deportation, chose to brave the Treacherous Gauntlet.

So, what exactly does an American in Japan have to do to obtain a Japanese Driver's License? It can be broken down in 5 easy steps.

Step 1. You need to pay the local government about US30 to have your US Driver's License translated into Japanese. In other words, they do a background check on your driving record. Accidents, citations, speeding tickets, even parking tickets, everything is scrutinized to see if you qualify to attempt to try to maybe earn a Japanese Driver's License. This took about three days. After you locate the correct bureaucrat, all you need is money and patience. And your Driver's License.

Step 2. You then need to make an appointment to speak with the Driving Authority, 40 minutes away from my school. They interrogated me in Japanese about my driving history, in astonishingly specific detail. And have I mentioned that my Japanese is minimal? Thankfully, I had a friend to help translate for us.

In Japan, everyone must attend an expensive driving school for six months. The official could not believe that I took Driver's Ed for free, as a class, in High School. He must have asked me about seven times, "You mean you had this education in High School?" I felt like a suspect being grilled by the FBI.

"So, Cindysan, you say that you probably studied driving at your High School while you were a citizen of the United States located in the United States as a high school student enrolled in a class 5 days a week on driving safety?"

me "Yes, I mean No! Wait, YES!" (confused about the probably)

(sucks air through teeth) "Ah, Cindysan, how many tests did you take while in the driving course? Where did you take them? Were they difficult? How many questions on each test, what type of questions? WHAT WERE YOUR SCORES?"

me "um," (quickly produces answers designed to satisfy him; of course I do not remember)

(sucks air through teeth) and then finally, what he has been dancing around, trying to find a non-offensive way to ask:
"It is quite easy to get a US Driver's License, isn't it?"

As I confusedly gaze at him without answering, he begins asking the same questions again. At this point, I start to recognize his questions, and can answer without so much help from my friend. This of course makes him suspicious. I revert to the uncomprehending stare and wait for her to translate for me. He seems to relax.

After I pass that part of the interrogation, he asks to see my Drivers License. I cheerfully hand over my NCDL to the man, confident now, thinking I am almost done with this two hour long process. Then I hear the sound of air being sucked through bureaucratic teeth.

"Cindysan, are you sure that this is a North Carolina Driver's License?"

me "Eh?" (hoping to reassure him by speaking Canadian)

"Cindysan, this does not look like other North Carolina licenses. This is different!"

me (wondering where he has seen NCDLs before)
"Oh, yes, we had our choice of four designs! I chose the plane!"

(shakes head) "Cindysan, this does not look correct." (sucks air through teeth) "What are the other designs?"

me (starting to panic)
"Well, you could pick the plane or the state seal or the state outline or this famous lighthouse that has stripes on it but I chose the plane it is really all above-board and perfectly normal because NC was the first state where manned flight occurred and we are all very proud of this in the state and I think the plane is so cool, don't you agree and by the way did you know that NC was first in flight it was two guys named Wright, Orville and Wilbur you see, and even the license plates have planes and there is a memorial and every child knows that, they learn it in primary school, so I was very pleased to..."

(hesitant to interrupt my frantic foreign babbling) "Cindysan, I will have to go investigate this."

My failed attempt at confusing him into compliance by ad libbing like a coked up Robin Williams has driven him to retreat. I am now alone with my terrified friend in the room the size of two high school gyms, maybe bigger, with my heartbeat echoing loudly up and down the chamber.

After fifteen minutes, he returns, sucking his teeth and shaking his head regretfully. Positive that my quest is about to end prematurely, I switch gears and unload my Scarlet O'Hara impression on him instead.

me "Oh, I thought you had forgotten about lil ol me! tee hee hee!"

Again, he begins asking the same questions as before. Now, however, I find him so amusing and interesting that I can not help but smile at him. This is my last effort. Yes, I was working it! I did not want to lug all of my teaching materials on the local train to the mountain town twice a week, changing trains in some out of the way industrial city filled with scary Russian sailors!

Surprisingly, after much teeth sucking on his part, and smiling and nodding encouragingly on my part, I finally passed muster! He reluctantly scheduled a time for me to take the written test! Next, step 3!

Step 3. The Eye Test. Before I can take the written test, I must take the eye test. Now, in the US, one simply reads letters off of the eye chart. There are no letters on the Japanese eye chart. The chart consists of lines of broken circles, graduating from smaller to larger. You are to indicate which direction the broken part of the circle is facing. Up, Down, Left, Right, for example. Easy-peasy! It was uncomfortable bending over to look in the machine, though.

OH! And I had to pay about US75 for processing fees, or something. After the eye test, I am introduced to the 20 minute Eeyore video.

Step 4. The Written Test. This was actually the easiest and most enjoyable part of the process. The test was written in English (sort of), was only ten questions, and, yes, was true or false. Some of the questions were a bit laughable. On top of that, the person observing me turned out to be Hottie McSexysan. But, in the end, because he was playing the part of a grim, serious-looking official, staring at me from two feet away, I could control my urge to giggle.

Luckily, to prepare for the test, the Traffic Ministry offers a US10 English language edition of "Rules of the Road" to study beforehand. This manual contains such enlightening tips as:

- Pedestrians must not stagger drunkenly on the road or otherwise interfere with road traffic by talking, sitting or lying on the road.

- Don't hop on or jump out of vehicles in motion (Talking to you, TJ Hooker!)

- Drivers mustn't threaten or annoy other drivers

as well as sections on

The Laws of Physics and Their Impact on Driving
and
Mitigation of Traffic Pollution and Global Warming
and even
Watching Out for Senior Citizens

After completing the test, and rechecking my answers three times, I was allowed to go sit in the waiting room to await my results. After a few minutes, Hottie McSexysan came out to proudly announce that my score was perfect! A feeling of dread crept up from my toes through my bowels to my eyebrows. The driving test was now imminent!

Step 5. The Driving Test. Hottie McSexysan assigned a time for me to take the test that very afternoon. He gave me a map of the closed course and explained that anyone could walk the course to practice before the actual test. I had 3 hours to wait, so I ate some horrible cafeteria food and proceeded to the huge driving arena to walk the course in the rain.

At the scheduled time, H. McSexysan, surprisingly, showed up to do the testing himself. It was so strange, on the rainy closed course, with a stoic man in the backseat, and Mr McSexysan sitting right next to me in the passenger seat. Both of them appeared to ignore me completely, but took notes on their clip boards. My first problem began with my inability to locate the windscreen wipers!

The test involved stopping, turning, s-curves, horribly impossible turns, and changing lanes. All in all, not too difficult, if it were not for the strict evaluation. I was counted off six times for looking left-right-left instead of right-left-right! Or was it for looking right-left-right instead of left-right-left? Honestly, even thought they gently scolded me for about ten minutes on this horrific driving error, I can not remember.

Without being told whether I had passed or failed, I assumed the worse. I was instructed to go wait in another big room with multiple large flat screen TVs showing slow motion accidents involving various vehicles and various dummies. After about 30 minutes, having found no reason to disallow it, they came to announce that I had barely passed the driving test and would be awarded my license!

Another US10 and I could have my photo taken, and join the ranks of those entrusted to uphold the Japanese Safe Driving Tradition!

One thing is definitely the same in Japan as it is in the US: Drivers License photos. They are always horrible! As I was sitting down, I found that I was way too short in the seat to meet the clearly marked "eye height" requirement. Instead of adjusting the seat, I attempted a sort of semi-squat to try raise my eyes to the correct height. Suddenly the photographer barked at me to remove my hair from my face, and as soon as I did, without warning she snapped the photo! Somehow, she transformed me into a starving demon who had just become aware of the presence of human meat in the vicinity. Some things are the same everywhere.

Actually, now that I look back on it all, it was not really so bad!
But only because I succeeded.

Driving in Japan Part 4: Taxis and Daikos

2007-06-25T01:44:00.000+09:00

It sometimes happens, here in Japan. Well, it often happens.
You find that during a night on the town you have, as many of my Japanese friends say, "overdrank." Whether inadvertently or intentionally, it happens frequently.
What's the problem, you ask? Drinking is fun, and in fact, it is an admitted hobby of many people here. Drinking to excess is actually a required duty in most jobs.
Everything is acceptable when you have overdrank, and misdeeds or embarrassing actions are all forgiven. But that will be covered, maybe, in another, or 20 other, blog posts.
Anyway, so you can overdrink and become a complete ass and be excused for every single crazy action that you don't remember doing...
Almost.
Driving while drunk is a serious no-no all over Japan. Usually not a problem for most, as many people use public transportation or their own feet regularly. But there are those who brave the roads in their beloved Minicas...
The rule is: if you drink even one sip of an alcoholic beverage, you are strictly forbidden from driving a vehicle. This includes cars, vans, trucks, motorcycles, tractors, scooters, golf carts, off road vehicles and even bicycles. If you are caught and you are Japanese, you will be arrested. If you are caught and you are not Japanese, chances are you will be deported.
But do not worry!
The tyranny of enforcing safe roadways should not discourage you from over-indulging! It must not! Not with overdrinking being almost an Olympic level sport here! Japanese practicality is present even for this situation! Especially for this situation!
Ladies and Gentleman, may I present the daiko!?!
The daiko is a taxi service that will come pick you up at whatever disreputable hostess bar you end your night at, drive you to your car in the overpriced parking garage or in your secret free illegal parking place behind crates in back of the flower shop, drive your car home and then park it much more acceptably than you ever would be able to, even while sober. 1
Ladies and Gentleman, this service is cheaper than normal taxis!
The facts - a normal taxi, from Yuda to Ouchi (read as: from the drinking quarter to my home) costs about 2500Yen. A daiko costs 1800Yen. I do not understand it either.
The daiko service will allow you to drive wherever you please and drink as much as you want and still be able to safely return home. Sometimes the driver will even give you cigarettes!
They are experts at corralling drunks and very patient with drunken attempts at speaking Japanese.
All bars have the local taxi and daiko numbers and will happily call one for you at the end of your night. 2
This service may be available in other countries, in fact it probably is! But I first met this here in Japan, and it will always be a Japanese service in my heart.

1 Or maybe just better than me. I am a really apathetic parker.
2 Unless you are going home with the hot bartender, in which case he will arrange private transportation for you both.

Tissues are only on Fridays

2007-06-05T00:54:00.000+09:00

Sorry, tissue day at the gas station is Friday only.

2007-06-03T19:49:00.000+09:00

Driving in Japan Part 3: Take Gas Stations, For Example

Japanese courtesy is amazing. People in service industries recognize that they are in, well, the service industry. They really do want to help you as much as they can, and are troubled if your needs are not completely satisfied.

Take gas stations for example. A visit to refuel your Minica is an experience in itself. As much as I try to conserve gas, I find myself pulling into a convenient full service Eneos station about 3-5 times a month. Getting gas is troublesome for some, but I find myself always looking forward to the visit!

The first thing you may notice when you enter the station is that the staff has been waiting for you. They race towards your car like a pit crew, shouting greetings and waving encouragement. Once you have placed the proper location, they inquire about what type of gas and how much, would you like a cloth to clean the inside or your windows, do you have any trash for them to collect, is your ashtray full, and would you like a box of tissues? Then they proceed to fuel your vehicle while continuously shouting greetings, cleaning all exterior windows and mirrors. Somehow, at the same time, they are also simultaneously checking tire pressure, engine oil and windshield wiper integrity. All in under 2 minutes!

If there is someone there who speaks English, he or she is propelled forward to make small talk with me while I wait. Then they collect the bill, and ask which direction I will be turning when leaving the station. Depending on how busy they are, they will stop traffic so I can pull out. Once, two staff members stood in the road, one in each lane, blocking traffic so that I could continue on my emergency mission of visiting Mr Donut.

The welcoming feeling truly encourages repeat business, at least in my case. Realize, there is NO tipping expected. People are not turning on the charm to increase their income. If you ever feel compelled to tip in Japan, please don't. Instead of money, please just don't be an ass to them. Just because someone is busting their ass to fawn all over you does not mean they do not deserve courtesy and respect.

The Return

2007-06-03T19:08:00.000+09:00

Hello after the long absence!
Sorry about the long wait, but I always knew that any blog that I would ever get around to doing would be inconsistent at best.
Life is too full of distractions!
But now it is back to work!

Driving in Japan Part 2: The Car

2007-04-13T02:30:00.000+09:00

My car is aptly named "Minica." You just try to fit two average-sized humans in the back seat. Especially with the front seats adjusted so I can drive without having my knees blocking the steering wheel.

On occasion, two adventurous gaijin will smile and assure me that it is no problem, they can fit in the back just fine. This is always said before they have tried to enter the vehicle; never from someone who has already been in my back seat.

The back seat might have seat belts. Maybe. I have yet to find them. Once a friend was trying to buckle himself in using the front passenger seat belt. It is an easy mistake to make, as the front seat belts originate from behind the back seats.

Perhaps Minicas ship standard with no back seat seat belts. Sure, sensible people wear seat belts. But what sensible person would willingly get in the back seat of a Minica? No doubt that was the car makers' reasoning.

The front passenger seat definitely has an advantage for the lucky person who has won "Rock, Paper, Scissors." The glove compartment is FULL of delicious canned coffee! Cool and refreshing in Winter, toasty hot in Summer. That is my doing, sadly not a standard feature of the Minica.

However, a garbage truck like beeping whenever the car is in reverse IS a standard feature. Watch out, everyone! My raccoon sized vehicle is coming at you! Of course, people familiar with the Minica know they have no need to move due to any danger. My car could not dent an orange traffic cone. Rather, the beeping is simply a polite request to move out of the way so I can back into a parking space.

Gas mileage is wonderful (important - check those gas prices) and the car drives wonderfully! Both side mirrors fold compactly into the body of the car, and can be popped back out with no damage! This is a very useful tool as the roads here do tend to be narrow. My mirrors double as a "you are too close to the wall" alert mechanism. Imagine my surprise and relief when I first discovered this feature!

The Minica will grow on you, though, and there is no doubt how much I appreciate my car. Without it, I would be missing out on so much of this beautiful country.

Driving in Japan Part 1: Tips

2007-04-12T02:43:00.000+09:00

Having lived in countries with steering wheels on the right hand side of the car, I was a bit nervous about what to expect while driving in Japan.

It takes a while before you stop entering the vehicle and trying to drive from the passenger seat. Often, the lack of a steering wheel is a sufficient reminder. If you realize this before you try to get into the car, you can save face by acting like you meant to open the passenger side door to put your bag inside. This does not work if you are empty handed.

I must say, first of all, that I am thrilled to be able to drive in Japan. I am extremely fortunate to have the use of a car, and to be partially re-imbursed for gas fees (about $4 a gallon). Public transportation is excellent, but having a car gives you 24 hour freedom to go almost anywhere in Japan! The big islands are all connected, and many little islands, too.

That having been said, here are ten things you must remember when driving in Japan...

1. That red sign? The upside down triangle? It is a stop sign. Even if you do not recognize the writing on the sign, you are still required to stop. This took me three months to realize.

2. Always, always, always back into parking spaces. I don't know why. All the other cars are neatly backed into their spaces, and your car expects to be treated the same. If you see a parked car that was not backed into a space, it usually belongs to a gaijin. On the other hand, this can make it very easy to find your car in a crowded parking lot.

3. Highways are nice, but expensive! If you have a carful of people to share the cost with, it can be cheaper than the train. If not, take smaller, local roads. You may get lost, but unless you are near a volcano, you will never stumble upon a dangerous neighborhood.

4. Beeping can be complimentary! If you pull over to let someone pass, or allow someone to pull out in front of you, a short beep means, "Hey! Thanks for being so nice!" Longer beeps heard after running a stop sign (see #1 above) or cutting somebody off do NOT mean the same thing.

5. Waving, bowing or flashing your emergency flashers for a short time can be used in place of the short beep to thank someone. Eye contact is not necessary.

6. Ditches. Japan is a water-rich nation. And the water is managed partly using huge ditches at the sides of smaller roads. Best to avoid getting too close to them.

7. Parking is very uptight. Often a uniformed assistant or two will stand in the parking lot with a reflective, um, stick (?) and direct you to the parking space of his or her choice. Don't hurt their feelings. Just bow and do as you're told.

8. At night, most businesses will chain their parking lots off so that no one can park overnight. This is very irritating, as most of the chains are difficult to see in the dark and are only discovered after you are halfway in the parking lot with the chain on your hood. If you are going fast enough, the chain will snap, or the posts that anchor the chains will pop up out of the ground and drag noisily behind your car until you stop. Ahem. Of course, I am just guessing at what WOULD happen in such a situation.

9. No left or right turn on red. Even if there are no cars for miles. Ahem. Kilometers.

10. The police will stop you if you are driving erratically. They will drive behind you and use a loudspeaker to apologize and politely request that you please pull over, if it is not too much trouble. Do not let their politeness confuse you. You really do need to pull over.

Searching for Baseball

2007-04-12T00:40:00.000+09:00

Ah - Baseball in Japan! Yakyu, they call it. The game is exciting, fast paced, beautiful. TV coverage of Yakyu here is beautiful. Radio coverage, also.
MLB coverage, not so much.
I watch Japanese TV coverage of the MLB. They show highlights from all of the teams that have Japanese players.
Only the teams with Japanese players.
And footage only of the Japanese players.
It shows their at bats, their fielding, their responses to getting a hit, etc. The at bats are shown from every angle, again and again and again...
So it looks like teams have 9 identical septuplets coming up to bat while at the same time doing all of the defensive work and/or pitching. Occasionally, if something awesome happens the same game that does not involve the septuplets, they will show it.
Johan Santana has a one hitter against the White Sox? Awesome! But much more importantly, Tadahito Iguchi is playing 2nd and doing all of the batting for Chicago!
In all fairness, the coverage here in Japan of the North American MLB is a million times better than the North American coverage of Yakyu.
Just miss my MLB baseball, is all.

My first adventure in blogging

2007-04-11T02:38:00.000+09:00

My first real blog post, and I somehow got my language bar stuck on Simplified Chinese. Did not appreciate my English coming out as garbled characters. Will try again tomorrow!

Here I go

2007-04-11T01:36:00.000+09:00

Thank you, Stacked Librarian, for the big idea. This is totally experimental, we'll just see where it goes...
I am here in Japan learning about life, and it is time to document everything. Or almost everything. After all, a nomad has to have some secrets.