Driving in Japan Part 5: The Driving Test

Legally, foreigners are permitted to drive in Japan using an International Driving Permit for one year. IDPs are easy and cheap to obtain. Japanese authorities recognize that, and insist that anyone staying in Japan for longer than one year be required to go through the Treacherous Gauntlet of Bureaucracy known as "An American's Quest for the Elusive Japanese Driver's License."

Yes, I do say "An American's Quest" because, for some reason, British, Canadian, and Australian citizens are not required to go through this Treacherous Gauntlet. If you commonly say "Cheers" "Eh?" or "Good on ya, mate!" the five step ordeal is reduced to taking a simple, 10 question true or false test and watching a 20 minute video featuring a dour Japanese official accusingly explaining all of the dangers foreign drivers create by driving "all crazy-like." This informative video is dubbed by Eeyore.

It is also interspersed with footage of a Santa-looking foreigner encountering all types of dangerous situations involving innocent civilians. The horrifying footage is always stopped right before impact, but the effect is still startling. I am guessing that this method is used to reverse the soporific effect of listening to the Minister of Traffic, Eeyore-san.

Of those who I know here who have attempted the process, none have passed on the first try. Most are too intimidated to even attempt it, and rely on "slightly illegal" extended IDPs. Me, being irrationally terrified of deportation, chose to brave the Treacherous Gauntlet.

So, what exactly does an American in Japan have to do to obtain a Japanese Driver's License? It can be broken down in 5 easy steps.

Step 1. You need to pay the local government about US30 to have your US Driver's License translated into Japanese. In other words, they do a background check on your driving record. Accidents, citations, speeding tickets, even parking tickets, everything is scrutinized to see if you qualify to attempt to try to maybe earn a Japanese Driver's License. This took about three days. After you locate the correct bureaucrat, all you need is money and patience. And your Driver's License.

Step 2. You then need to make an appointment to speak with the Driving Authority, 40 minutes away from my school. They interrogated me in Japanese about my driving history, in astonishingly specific detail. And have I mentioned that my Japanese is minimal? Thankfully, I had a friend to help translate for us.

In Japan, everyone must attend an expensive driving school for six months. The official could not believe that I took Driver's Ed for free, as a class, in High School. He must have asked me about seven times, "You mean you had this education in High School?" I felt like a suspect being grilled by the FBI.

"So, Cindysan, you say that you probably studied driving at your High School while you were a citizen of the United States located in the United States as a high school student enrolled in a class 5 days a week on driving safety?"

me "Yes, I mean No! Wait, YES!" (confused about the probably)

(sucks air through teeth) "Ah, Cindysan, how many tests did you take while in the driving course? Where did you take them? Were they difficult? How many questions on each test, what type of questions? WHAT WERE YOUR SCORES?"

me "um," (quickly produces answers designed to satisfy him; of course I do not remember)

(sucks air through teeth) and then finally, what he has been dancing around, trying to find a non-offensive way to ask:
"It is quite easy to get a US Driver's License, isn't it?"

As I confusedly gaze at him without answering, he begins asking the same questions again. At this point, I start to recognize his questions, and can answer without so much help from my friend. This of course makes him suspicious. I revert to the uncomprehending stare and wait for her to translate for me. He seems to relax.

After I pass that part of the interrogation, he asks to see my Drivers License. I cheerfully hand over my NCDL to the man, confident now, thinking I am almost done with this two hour long process. Then I hear the sound of air being sucked through bureaucratic teeth.

"Cindysan, are you sure that this is a North Carolina Driver's License?"

me "Eh?" (hoping to reassure him by speaking Canadian)

"Cindysan, this does not look like other North Carolina licenses. This is different!"

me (wondering where he has seen NCDLs before)
"Oh, yes, we had our choice of four designs! I chose the plane!"

(shakes head) "Cindysan, this does not look correct." (sucks air through teeth) "What are the other designs?"

me (starting to panic)
"Well, you could pick the plane or the state seal or the state outline or this famous lighthouse that has stripes on it but I chose the plane it is really all above-board and perfectly normal because NC was the first state where manned flight occurred and we are all very proud of this in the state and I think the plane is so cool, don't you agree and by the way did you know that NC was first in flight it was two guys named Wright, Orville and Wilbur you see, and even the license plates have planes and there is a memorial and every child knows that, they learn it in primary school, so I was very pleased to..."

(hesitant to interrupt my frantic foreign babbling) "Cindysan, I will have to go investigate this."

My failed attempt at confusing him into compliance by ad libbing like a coked up Robin Williams has driven him to retreat. I am now alone with my terrified friend in the room the size of two high school gyms, maybe bigger, with my heartbeat echoing loudly up and down the chamber.

After fifteen minutes, he returns, sucking his teeth and shaking his head regretfully. Positive that my quest is about to end prematurely, I switch gears and unload my Scarlet O'Hara impression on him instead.

me "Oh, I thought you had forgotten about lil ol me! tee hee hee!"

Again, he begins asking the same questions as before. Now, however, I find him so amusing and interesting that I can not help but smile at him. This is my last effort. Yes, I was working it! I did not want to lug all of my teaching materials on the local train to the mountain town twice a week, changing trains in some out of the way industrial city filled with scary Russian sailors!

Surprisingly, after much teeth sucking on his part, and smiling and nodding encouragingly on my part, I finally passed muster! He reluctantly scheduled a time for me to take the written test! Next, step 3!

Step 3. The Eye Test. Before I can take the written test, I must take the eye test. Now, in the US, one simply reads letters off of the eye chart. There are no letters on the Japanese eye chart. The chart consists of lines of broken circles, graduating from smaller to larger. You are to indicate which direction the broken part of the circle is facing. Up, Down, Left, Right, for example. Easy-peasy! It was uncomfortable bending over to look in the machine, though.

OH! And I had to pay about US75 for processing fees, or something. After the eye test, I am introduced to the 20 minute Eeyore video.

Step 4. The Written Test. This was actually the easiest and most enjoyable part of the process. The test was written in English (sort of), was only ten questions, and, yes, was true or false. Some of the questions were a bit laughable. On top of that, the person observing me turned out to be Hottie McSexysan. But, in the end, because he was playing the part of a grim, serious-looking official, staring at me from two feet away, I could control my urge to giggle.

Luckily, to prepare for the test, the Traffic Ministry offers a US10 English language edition of "Rules of the Road" to study beforehand. This manual contains such enlightening tips as:

- Pedestrians must not stagger drunkenly on the road or otherwise interfere with road traffic by talking, sitting or lying on the road.

- Don't hop on or jump out of vehicles in motion (Talking to you, TJ Hooker!)

- Drivers mustn't threaten or annoy other drivers

as well as sections on

The Laws of Physics and Their Impact on Driving
and
Mitigation of Traffic Pollution and Global Warming
and even
Watching Out for Senior Citizens

After completing the test, and rechecking my answers three times, I was allowed to go sit in the waiting room to await my results. After a few minutes, Hottie McSexysan came out to proudly announce that my score was perfect! A feeling of dread crept up from my toes through my bowels to my eyebrows. The driving test was now imminent!

Step 5. The Driving Test. Hottie McSexysan assigned a time for me to take the test that very afternoon. He gave me a map of the closed course and explained that anyone could walk the course to practice before the actual test. I had 3 hours to wait, so I ate some horrible cafeteria food and proceeded to the huge driving arena to walk the course in the rain.

At the scheduled time, H. McSexysan, surprisingly, showed up to do the testing himself. It was so strange, on the rainy closed course, with a stoic man in the backseat, and Mr McSexysan sitting right next to me in the passenger seat. Both of them appeared to ignore me completely, but took notes on their clip boards. My first problem began with my inability to locate the windscreen wipers!

The test involved stopping, turning, s-curves, horribly impossible turns, and changing lanes. All in all, not too difficult, if it were not for the strict evaluation. I was counted off six times for looking left-right-left instead of right-left-right! Or was it for looking right-left-right instead of left-right-left? Honestly, even thought they gently scolded me for about ten minutes on this horrific driving error, I can not remember.

Without being told whether I had passed or failed, I assumed the worse. I was instructed to go wait in another big room with multiple large flat screen TVs showing slow motion accidents involving various vehicles and various dummies. After about 30 minutes, having found no reason to disallow it, they came to announce that I had barely passed the driving test and would be awarded my license!

Another US10 and I could have my photo taken, and join the ranks of those entrusted to uphold the Japanese Safe Driving Tradition!

One thing is definitely the same in Japan as it is in the US: Drivers License photos. They are always horrible! As I was sitting down, I found that I was way too short in the seat to meet the clearly marked "eye height" requirement. Instead of adjusting the seat, I attempted a sort of semi-squat to try raise my eyes to the correct height. Suddenly the photographer barked at me to remove my hair from my face, and as soon as I did, without warning she snapped the photo! Somehow, she transformed me into a starving demon who had just become aware of the presence of human meat in the vicinity. Some things are the same everywhere.

Actually, now that I look back on it all, it was not really so bad!
But only because I succeeded.